RULE OF TUMBLR: YOU MUST REBLOG THIS WHEN YOU SEE THIS ON YOUR DASH.
FATHER.
A letter.
A letter of my feelings.
This is something personal, so therefore the internet must know.
Dear You.
You have made my life a living hell. Thanks to you, I feel like a lost cause, and sometimes a forgotten member of society. Thanks to you, I have to visit a therapist who tells me I must learn to accept what you have done. I must learn to accept the fact that you are who you are.
You know what? Thanks to you, I have imagined many scenarios of punching, kicking, violently screaming at people I love because thanks to you, my personality is just a flipped switch whenever something doesn’t go how I think it should. Thanks to you I no longer expect anyone to “miss” me or to even make a commitment to me, because if you couldn’t, you won’t, and you don’t even care, who will?
Answer me that, You, who will care? I cry when I hear certain songs that are supposed to be sentimental and sweet because thanks to you, I’ll never know what its like to have you in my life. I don’t know what it is like to have the role of You love me. Thanks to you, I expect everyone else to pour out lies like they were sweet sugary candies out of their lips because if you did, why not everyone else?
You anger me beyond reach, but thanks to you, I miss you. I miss you so much. I think of you every day, and thanks to you I’ll never ever get to understand what it is like to be fulfilled where every child, and every adult should be. Thanks to you I have several things that always remind me of you and fill me with anger, sadness and hate. I don’t like the word “hate,” my mother always told me it was a strong word. However, for the things you have done that have hurt me oh SO strongly, “hate” seems like the best synonym to describe my never ending emotions.
Is this what it is like to never close off your emotions?
It’s like a hole that just keeps going and going and going and going
and you will
